Scorpeze explains it all…

A very funky blog–Words, music, and mental drippings by Scorpeze

Post archive for ‘Soapbox’

Artist Spolight: tREBLEFREE and DVS Jackson(1)

My friends,

I know that it is difficult to wade through a sea of neverending wackness to find the good shit…ESPECIALLY in hip-hop…

But I will offer my assistance…

As we all know, its hard to get people’s attention long enough to listen to your music…and sometimes talented artists have to settle for just letting their work float in the universe and hoping that someone somewhere will hear it and connect.

tREBLEFREE is a hip-hop producer (not beatmaker) born and raised in my hometown of Detroit, MI where he still resides. What sets this man apart from his contemporaries is his musicality, attention to detail, his inventiveness, and subtle yet wicked sense of humor…

His songs are soulful and packed to the teeth with a funky sense of rhythm and emphasis on groove rather than just making whatever sonic dressing fit the drums. Rather than just the stoic “ba-boom-boom-bap” boring rhythms that other hip-hop producers give you, tREB’s music has actual movement rather than just accompaniment…

DVS Jackson is nowhere near your average emcee. A product of Chicago–years ago you could have found him buggin out in the house clubs just as soon as rippin flows in a cypher. DVS attacks you with vocal dynamics, wordplay, zany humor, intricate flows, and just straight up bizarre imagery that leaves your head spinning. After you’ve absorbed all of that, you realize that there was a solid concept hidden underneath it all. He is the aural equivalent of a Magic Eye image.

The unorthodox artistic approach of both men created an inevitable partnership.

Taking on the personas of the scathingly sarcastic Muppet critics Waldorf & Statler, tREB and DVS have decided on a unique presentation of their work together…

They will release 5 Waldorf & Statler EPs (they call it a “cinquilogy”), with one to be released each quarter. The 2nd EP has just dropped.

Get thee ass to their Bandcamp page and download BOTH existing Waldorf & Statler EPs…….FO DE FREE!

http://waldorfandstatler.bandcamp.com/

Listen to it (yes, the whole thang, if you want!) below:

Do not let this thang pass you by….Don’t let GOOD art go unnoticed…

Thank me at a moment in time that will occur in the future.

Peace,

Scorp.

The Greatest Entertainer Ever To Live(49)

Sunday, I posted ?uestlove’s argument that Beyonce is the next MJ. Needless to say, myself and MANY others disagreed. If you are just joining us you can read ?uesto’s full argument on my previous blog here:

http://windimoto.com/scorpeze-blog/?p=456

Good people, I want to be brief but the fact is to comprehend MJ is a huge undertaking. Though Mr. Thompson had some interesting points, his claim is poorly thought out and completely without merit.

First off, let me say that there are certain facts about Mrs. Beyonce Giselle Knowles-Carter than cannot be disputed.

A) She is talented.
B) She can sing.
C) She can dance.
D) She has star quality.
E) She is a beautiful woman.

That being said, there are definitely parallels between Mrs. Knowles and Michael Joseph Jackson:

A) They both have been entertainers since they were children
B) They are both driven to be the best in their field
C) They have reaped great success in the entertainment industry
D) They are both Virgos–thus hard workers and shy people that come alive on stage
E) They both came from groups that they inevitably outgrew
F) They both-because of growing up in the entertainment industry-have somewhat stunted social development
G) They have overbearing fathers who guided their careers.
H) They both bammas
I) They Black

…and that’s where the comparisons stop.

When Berry Gordy stood before the world at MJ’s memorial and finally said out loud what the world already knew but for numerous reasons could not bring itself to freely admit–that Michael Jackson is the greatest entertainer to ever live–NO ONE could offer an argument to the contrary…because there is no argument to the contrary.

There is a point when you are no longer great, but legendary…where you are no longer legendary, but an icon…where you are no longer an icon but the Gold Standard by which all others are measured…MJ reached that level….

MJ didnt just “change the game”, he obliterated the old game and put a new one in its place.

This may sound like hyperbole, but the facts speak for themselves.

No one has sold as many records as MJ. Period. But record sales are only a piece of this pie. Yes, Thriller had a lot of serendipity going for it, but the pieces had been put into place a long time before that…

At the age of FIVE YEARS OLD, MJ was already on a level that he relieved his older brother Jermaine of his lead singer position in the Jackson 5. Grown men refused to play on a bill with him. He was a seasoned enough entertainer that his competition in talent shows swore that he was not a child, but an adult midget (true story). A child had professional adult entertainers shook. Bear in mind, this was the 60’s, where you couldnt lipsynch, use auto-tune, or prerecorded tracks. If you didnt have the goods, you were forced to leave the stage, cute kid or not. The Jackson 5 won EVERY talent show they entered.

Another true story. At the age of THREE YEARS OLD, MJ sang Climb Ev’ry Mountain in school one day. His teacher wept.

Etta James told this story to MJ biographer J. Randy Taraborelli. She said that one night on a tour stop in the Midwest, she noticed a little boy hanging around her dressing room before showtime. She was trying to prepare for the show and the kid was distracting her. She marched up to the kid and told him to get lost. The kid scrambled away. Later, after her set, the boy appeared at her dressing room door. She asked him “What do you want, kid?” The boy replied, “Miss James, my father told me to come and apologize for bothering you earlier. I didn’t meant to, its just that you’re so good. I just want to know how you do it…” Etta had a change of heart and invited the boy in for some pointers. She remembers (in a self-congratulatory way) thinking to herself after the boy had gone, “One day, that boy is going to be the best…because he wants to learn from the best…”.

Mind you, this is going on before Motown ever knew The Jackson 5 existed. The rest, as they say, is history.

There are artists that we enjoy, and then there are artists that we FEEL. They give us pause. They make us consider things. They make us sit up and pay attention, and what they do and say stays with us long after the show is over or the record stops.

I’ve always said that you can divide entertainers into 2 categories: Artists and Acts.

Acts wants your attention and praise. They use whatever talent they may have to gain your favor. It doesnt matter to them how they do it. You pay them and clap for them and they are satisfied.

Artists also wants your attention and praise, but the difference is that an artist feels duty bound to share their gifts. They perform in service of the audience. They feel compelled to connect with their audience, to give a voice to whatever you in the audience may be thinking or feeling. At other times, an artist has something to say that they feel everyone should hear. An artist has purpose and integrity.

Michael Jackson felt duty bound to right the wrongs of the world. He wanted people to stop hurting each other and start loving each other more. It was this message of love that was the foundation of his music and performances until his last day on Earth.

Michael Jackson is an artist. At the age of 18, he pleaded with us to come together in songs like Show You The Way To Go, Living Together, Dreamer, and Strength of One Man. He continued on with a constant message.
-Man of War
-Can You Feel It
-We Are The World
-Earth Song
-They Dont Care About Us
-Beat It
-Heal The World
-Bless His Soul
-Man In The Mirror
-Keep The Faith
-On The Line (which was the theme song to the only film that I know of about the Million Man March)

if you wanna talk empowerment, he said:
“Lift your head up high and scream out to the world
I know I am someone, so let the truth unfurl
No one can hurt you now cause you know its true
Yes, I believe in me, so you believe in you
Help me sang it
Sing to the world, sing it out loud”

He wrote that when he was 21.

Lots of people write inspirational songs, mattafact there’s a whole sub-genre of music dedicated to just that, but when MJ sang people listened…people in all corners of the globe.

While it may seem that Im just retreading old shit…I remind you that we are talking about someone who is being talked about as the “next” one of this caliber, so I think its important to realize what caliber we taumbout here….

We taumbout a cat who inspired the world to stop and not only realize the plight of Africa, but help…you had kids sending in allowances, and Mr. Joe Six Pack writing a check for famine relief….These days that type of widescale philanthropy is commonplace…

We’re taumbout a cat that made grown men cry during and after his life (I’ve seen it). A person who has little children demanding that their parents buy them his music AFTER his death.

MJ changed the way Black men approached singing. How many baritones are there in R&B these days? These days a little white kid is just as likely to start singing in an R&B style than forming a rock band because of MJ.

MJ wrote songs that are part of the permanent fiber of global culture.

MJ made Fred Astaire bow down.

Even MJ’s hero, the notoriously egocentric genius and architect of modern Black music, James Brown insisted that even though MJ had learned from him that MJ was an original.

To this day, people are still trying to discover what made MJ tick.

MJ survived a scandal that would have obliterated anyone else’s career-TWICE. After 8 years of creative silence, then man announced that he was back and instantly sold out the same arena 50 times over.

This is the man we are talking about here. This is the entertainer we are talking about. This is the artist we are talking about.

And who is Questo proclaiming to be his rightful successor?

Beyonce.

Beyonce?

For all the talent, charisma, success, and work ethic that Beyonce has, let’s be really damn real.

She aint fuckin with MJ.

She may be one of the many entertainers in the mold of MJ, but the “NEXT” MJ?

How so? Because there are some similarities in their careers? That aint enough…

Let take the visual out of the equation.

let’s sit MJ’s catalogue next to Beyonce’s….that’s not even fair…

What is the criteria? Beyonce’s songwriting? Aight, let’s look at that….

on persistent suitors:
MJ – “She comes to the door/crying at my feet/Guilt shines in her eyes/as she slowly sinks in deep/You know our love couldnt last forever/persuade your way/but you aint clever/ I close the door and I say never….”

Yonce – “So what/you bought a pair a shoes/what now I guess you think I owe you/you dont have to call as much as you do/Id give em back to be through with you/so what/my mama likes you…”

on self-empowerment:
MJ – “And when you think of trust/Does it lead you home?/To a place/that you only dream of/When you’re all alone/And you can go by feel/’Stead of circumstance/But the power’s in believing/So give yourself a chance…”

Yonce – “the shoes on my feet/I bought it/the clothes I’m wearing/I bought it/the rock Im rockin/I bought it/cuz I depend on me/if I want it/the watch Im wearin/I bought it/the house I live in/I bought it/the car Im drivin/I bought it/cuz I depend on me…”

on a broken heart:
MJ – “and it doesnt seems to matter/and it doesnt seems right/cuz the will has brought no fortune/still I cry alone at night/dont you judge of my composure/cuz Im bothered everyday/and she didnt leave a letter/she just up and ran away…”

Yonce – “Now that it’s over/Stop calling me/Come pick up your clothes/Ain’t no need to front like you’re still with me/All your homies know/Even your very best friend/Tried to warn me on the low/It took me some time/But now I am strong…”

I think we can see that we’re not dealing with the same caliber of songwriter…Also let me point out, that songwriting and producing actual music is one of the things that MJ was known for (if the word “Quincy” enters your mind, go see my “In Memoriam Part 1″ blog, then rejoin us here). it is common knowledge now that if you want a track on a Yonce album you are REQUIRED to give her a writing AND production credit–whether she did any work or not. Tsk Tsk, mayne. Okay, we know that she’s written lyrics before. Schmoove. But sometimes she doesnt when the credits say otherwise. See If I Was A Boy.

But Beyonce aint twisted knob the first, or arranged a string session, or worked out chords with musicians. Mike has. Kenny Gamble told CBS in 1977 that Mike and his broze didnt need a babysitter in the studio anymore.

Vocally? *looks at the camera*. I’ve only heard B sing ONE song with any kind of believable emotion (the latter song quoted above). Yonce fans, feel free to point me in the direction of any other song by her that moves you emotionally (please say Get Me Bodied). Meanwhile, Mike made HIMSELF cry every time he sang She’s Out Of My Life. EVERY time. Its one thing to sing well, its another thing to make people feel…

Videos? Mike damn near invented the video. I challenge you to make it all the way through this:

Like I was saying…what other criteria are we judging on, Mr. Thompson?

Record sales? Popularity? The scales are not coming anywhere close to balancing with those factors on the table…MJ’s weakest selling album ran 10 million out the gate with little promotion and one video.

Dancing? Again, Fred Astaire, James Brown, and every kid that dances professionally now cites MJ as an inspiration. He created his own dance vocabulary, his moves are studied. Even K-Fed said that the greatest moment in his life was dancing for MJ. Beyonce’s choreographer left her tour to audition for This Is It. Not for a job, to audition. Yes, MJ learned from the best but in the end when you bust certain moves people know automatically who you are mimicking. Yes, Yonce had her Single Ladies moment and everyone wanted to learn the steps but the same thing happened with the Achy Breaky Heart, The Macarena, and MC Hammer’s Chinese Typewriter. Do the Single Ladies dance 10 years from now at a party if you want. People are still doing Thriller–27 years later. Let someone accurately dance like MJ and a crowd gathers…

Is Beyonce the biggest pop star in the world right now? Yes. has she been successful for a while now? Yes. But she’s hardly alone in wearing that distinction.

Lastly, let’s talk about influence. MJ has inspired millions of people to better themselves, care about others, be ecologically responsible (long before it was hip to be “green”…BTW, MJ was a vegetarian back when fast food still tasted good), be the best they can be, follow their dreams, and take pride in being different. He has personally mentored actors, athletes, emcees, choreographers, filmmakers, authors, activists, singers, musicians, entrepreneurs, doctors, etc…both young and old.

What is Yonce’s influence? Inspiring insecure women to shake their asses half naked in a room full of strangers? Who is she inspiring and what is she inspiring them to do? To wear as little clothing as possible? Throwing your man out of the house? Emotionally blackmailing him to marry you? (the less I say about Yonce’s relationship, the better) To writhe around on the floor and spread your legs? To drive around in the Pussy Wagon???

Warning: Opinion ahead.

I absolutely fucking cringe when I hear someone suggest that Yonce is a role model that young women should be emulating. In the last decade, she has gone from suggestive to risque to desperate. What would happen if she put her legs, ass, and titties away? Would we be still be having this conversation about her artistic merit? Sweet Lawd, WHEN will women learn the difference btwn taking ownership of their sexuality and exploiting themselves?

A large part of Yonce’s appeal is that she makes records out of women’s sillier fantasies.

-Kitty Kat: I’ll withhold pussy from you if you dont give me the amount of attention I want
-Irreplaceable: I’ll kick you out the crib and you wont have a word to say about it. Oh yeah, Im going to further provoke you by inviting another dude over here in the middle of a hostile situation
-Freakum Dress: Im feeling insecure about my relationship, so instead of talking to my man…Im going to the club in the sluttiest clothes I can find…that’ll teach his ass
-Single Ladies: if you dont propose to me, Im going to go out to the club make a spectacle of myself

This is some real mature shit here *sarcasm*. the list goes on…ladies, you can follow this advice if you want to and see how far it gets you…Sadly, alot of girls and grown women think that they can pull this type of shit off because they saw Beyonce do it in a video. Trust me, I’ve seen it…

What they fail to realize is that Beyonce can make up fantasies about what its like to deal with men because she’s Beyonce. She’s spent the majority of her life on stage or under the watchful eye of her dad. If there’s one parallel btwn Yonce and MJ that stands out, you can bet your ass that the lack of a social life is one of the most prevalent. Solange can get pregnant at 17, but there was no FUCKING way Matt and Tina would have let Yonce get that far out of their eyesight for that to happen…

Just for comparison, here’s some MJ fantasies: He goes around fighting evil, protecting the world, and saving people from getting hurt…oh yeah, he turned into a zombie once…

Aint no way that Yonce, in her current incarnation, should be held up as an example…You can say what you want abt MJ and his various controversies, but when have you seen him advocating acting a motherfuckin fool?

Lemme wrap this shit up, B.

Beyonce is successful performer. Lots of people love her. MJ is a global cultural institution. A musical genius. One of the greatest vocalists of our time. One of the best dancers in history. An innovator in the field of music. A trailblazer that changed how the music industry works. A humanitarian. An inspiration. A hero. He left the world and broke the damn internet…

He is simply, the greatest entertainer ever to live. (c) Berry Gordy

Beyonce got a long way to go before she can event think about climbing that mountain.

Aint no next. There was only one.

Sorry, Ahmir.

Just add watermelon.(0)

Yall thought Spike Lee was crazy when he dropped Bamboozled 10 years ago.

I knew that he wasnt.

Here we are, folks!

Blackface in 2010!!!


Not only is she in Blackface, BUT she sayin that she can be a good whore, too…

“I can be a freak!”

Translation: “I can offer up my sexuality to you so you’ll notice me and maybe like me more…”

This some sad sad shit, people.

The effed up part is that Im not even shocked. I’ve seen this kinda shit coming down the pike for a long ass time.

Watch some gump cop pleas:
-”It’s not REALLY blackface…”
-”You guys are too sensitive…”
-It cant be racist, she’s Black!…”
-”Why yall n***as always tryan keep other n***as from eatin’? You cryin about a video??? What has yo ass done for the struggle?…”

etc, etc.

I can hear the chains rattling in the distance…

The Music Industry: It’s over.(15)

Im gonna break from the Favorite Albums of the 2000’s series to talk abt a few topics…

First up. The music industry as we know it is a wrap.


Let’s take a moment to be honest about what is happening here.

if you are doing music in any professional capacity right now, make sure that you are doing it because you love the craft.

If you are doing music because you dream of fame and riches, do yourself a favor and stop.

If you’re a great singer and you’re gearing up for American Idol tryouts–save your energy and talent. That shit a TV show. Period. It IS NOT a singing competition.

The music industry has done itself in. The cold, hard facts of it all is that good music and musical talent count for jack shit these days. While there have ALWAYS been successful acts who are mostly style over substance in popular music, we are now in an era where marketability is the MAIN factor in getting over in the industry.

and 9 times out of 10, even THAT wont blow you up.

It doesnt matter anymore whether your music is good or if you have any talent. Even if you have the marketability, that will only get you so far.

Tastemakers run the music industry these days, both mainstream and underground. So no matter how good you are or are not, it will be for naught unless a person of influence of some sort co-signs you or takes you under their wing. Which is nothing new, but the bad part is that most of the current tastemakers are douchebags with awful taste in music and culture. More on that later.

Even if THAT happens, the public still has to buy into your hype and that, my friends, is a variable that NO ONE can control.

Now, let’s be square here. This is not coming from a place of bitterness or frustration. In no way am I tryna piss on your dreams, kids. Check out Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails, he’s a mutli platinum artist and producer, he will tell you the somewhat the same thing here.

This is just the pure, hard reality of the industry climate right now. Me personally, I’m satisfied with the way my music career is progressing. I make the music I want and it stands or falls on its own merit. Whatever mistakes are made, I take responsibility and learn from the experience. I knew what I was getting into going in. I dont harbor dreams of limos, industry parties, and pretending to be annoyed by the paparazzi. I’m not that kind of person and I dont need that kind of validation.

But there are many cats out there who do need that, and DON’T know what they’re getting into. The dreamers are still out there, and they still believe in the Cinderella fairytale.

Now what DOES concern me is how the music industry will rebuild itself. While the old industry business model had huge flaws, it still had legitimate purpose.

While the underground cats were whooping it up a cpl years ago celebrating the fall of the major label system, they were missing the big picture. When one system fails, another system must take its place. As of yet, no one has presented a BETTER business model than the one we had before. Is there one? Of course. Has it been implemented or even proposed? Shit, no. Not even close.

The internet changed the game completely. Before that, a personal computer was mostly just a trinket only useful for business, science, and educational purposes. With the advent of the internet, social networking, and inexpensive professional audio/visual technology, making a studio quality record and package has become feasible for the everyman. The personal computer quickly became a staple of everyday life and it empowered and connected the unheard masses. Independent music used to have the stigma of inferior quality and presentation because the musicians involved did not have access to the tools that the pros had.

Now you can record your album on your laptop and have it sound pristine. You dont have to worry about rushing because you dont have money for blocks of studio time. You or your graphic artist friend can put up a website and design the packaging. With a few clicks, your album can be available for sale or free download all over the world for anyone who wants it. Fuck the major labels. Sweet, right?

Wrong.

With any professional craft, there is a bar of entry. A set of requirements or skill level you must meet in order to practice said craft on a professional level. If you play sports, you must prove yourself in smaller capacities before being allowed to play professionally. The major label standard used to be that bar of entry for musicians. With the new DIY ethic in music, that bar has been far lowered if not completely obliterated. Now almost ANYONE can have a record in the marketplace.

The problem here is that we now have a glut of highly visible, commercially available, independent music of wildly varying quality. So there’s alot of wack ass music to sort through. How do you find the good stuff? The die hards say, “GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS AND SEARCH!…”

Well, you could do that. But the thing that theyre missing is that the average person isnt that passionate about music. Sure, people LIKE music, they may even LOVE it, but its not a driving factor in their everyday lives. Teenagers may consume music voraciously, but they need music to be presented to them. The majors have that market sewed up. Adults have lives. Jobs, children, spouses, finances, career, homes, etc. Those lives cut down on the disposable income one has to go out  and take a chance on buying a terrible record, or to splurge on music in general. Those lives also cut down on the time one has to devote to looking for the perfect beat.

This is why the major label system worked for so long. They have money. Lots of it. They have power and influence. The service that the major label system provided for the average music fan was this:

-Discover talented person
-Supply talented person with the best of what they needed to present their talent(studios, producers, songwriters, musicians, instruments, etc…)
-develop talented person to be presentable and understandable to the masses
-introduce talented person to the masses
-generate interest in talented person through promotion (concerts, television appearances, press, radio)

In short, the majors delivered the good shit to your doorstep…you didnt have to search for the new hot shit cuz it was on the radio, on TV, in magazines, at the local concert hall opening for your favorite artist…the poster is in the record store, the artist themselves are even in the record store…

All of that takes money and influence–which the majors have in abundance.

out of the millions of aspiring musicians, the major picked the best and brightest and said to you, “HEY! This cat is DOPE! Youre gonna love their music!…”.  if you wanted a taste, all you had to do was turn on the radio or check out Ed Sullivan, or American Bandstand or Soul Train.

Now, let’s keep it one hunnid. There are many flaws and loopholes (too many to go into detail here) in that system that would allow a truly talented artist to get passed by or slip through the cracks or to allow some half-talent to blow up. But for the most part, that was a solid business model. Pick a talent, groom them, then tell the world about them.

It just so happened that the industry got extremely arrogant at the same time that the internet was coming to power. Music sales were at an all time high in the 90’s. The money was rolling in hand over fist. The majors decided to follow the money. They got rid of the record/music/creative people and hired a bunch of suits to mind the bottom line. The majors believed that they could sell water (wack ass artists) to a well (an easily manipulated herd mentality public). Two things shattered that dream. George W. Bush and Napster. With Dubya came an America that was vulnerable enough to allow 9/11 to happen, effectively ending the peace and prosperity of the Clinton era. Napster allowed listeners to not have to pay for the amazingly shitty records that the industry was pumping out. You could get the 2 or 3 jams off the albums and be done with it, saving yourself a bundle. it doesn’t help that the industry thought it was smart to eliminate singles a short time prior to the sea change in American lifestyle.

Even worse, now we face the mentality that “music is free”. Many people have become cynical to the point that they believe it is their RIGHT to get music without paying for it. They feel no shame in stealing music and do not attempt to fill the artist’s coffers in other ways. They ignore the fact that any artistic endeavors must be patronized in order to survive.

Fact: Manufacturing ANYTHING requires an investment.

Even if an artist is completely DIY, they must pay for:
-equipment/instruments
-musicians/featured guest artist appearances
-computer
-internet access
-software
-electricity
-distribution fees/expenses
-pressing CD’s and promotional materials
-living expenses (food, clothes, bills)

Snidely, these people say, “WELL, TOUR TO MAKE YOUR MONEY!”

L-O-fuckingL.

How do you tour when you cant afford to make a record? Who will book you if no one knows who you are? Who will pay for hotels, transportation, and food? Who will come to the shows???

Music is NOT free. The experience of ENJOYING MUSIC is free. The rest of it has a bill attached to it. Even going to a club to dance has a price tag.

Shit, it takes money to even LISTEN to music. You gotta get that mp3/CD player/computer from somewhere.

So. It’s over.

The majors are sitting still while everything burns down around them. Independent artists are just faces in a crowd. A really big fucking crowd.

So let’s say that you overcome these obstacles. You got records out. You play shows. You got buzz (read: co-signage from a tastemaker).

We still got that one variable. The public.

Easy, right? Give em good music and youre all set, right?

Wrong again.

Today’s 20 yr old was born in 1990. Which means that they’ve been raised listening to the rapidly devolving crud that passes for popular music all of their lives. The last musical movement of any real significance was grunge. Grunge was dead by 1995. After that, manufactured pop has dominated since then. After grunge, we got stuff like Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, Britney Spears, and the like. That same manufactured vibe permeated all other genres of popular music. Hip-Hop relinquished its underground status, sold out, and became the pop music of the early millennium. R&B went pop. Country went pop. Jazz continued it downward spiral. No one cared about art anymore. Artists and execs only cared about numbers–and because of the internet, numbers became important to listeners, too.

So back to that 20 yr old. He dictates the direction the people with the money will go in because he consumes the most music, whether he paid for it or not. The problem is he has been raised listening to garbage (and I dont mean the band of the same name). His musical tastes are horrid because they are not based on musical quality. His musical tastes are shaped by conformity, sensationalism, spectacle, tabloid culture, branding, and cult of personality. This kind of kid is the one who ends up being the aforementioned tastemaker in the industry.

You want to win over the public with your original, skilled, and heartfelt music? Good luck, my friend.

And the underground doesn’t really exist anymore. The underground value system and aesthetics are basically the same as the mainstream now. The only difference between being underground and mainstream these days is number of records sold.

As far as numbers go, right now, even your big mainstream acts are only selling a few hundred thousand, AT BEST. There are only a handful or artists seeing platinum.

here are some figures from a recent Soundscan chart:

1 BOYLE*SUSAN I DREAMED A DREAM 136,566 -73 510,166 3,103,828
2 LADY GAGA FAME 82,148 -51 168,568 2,387,666
3 KEYS*ALICIA ELEMENT OF FREEDOM 79,801 -71 279,584 779,093
4 BLIGE*MARY J. STRONGER 62,181 -81 330,354 394,005
5 SWIFT*TAYLOR FEARLESS 59,701 -73 224,270 5,329,167
6 BIEBER*JUSTIN MY WORLD 51,837 -67 156,789 727,914

8 BLACK EYED PEAS E.N.D. (ENERGY NEVER DIES) 47,190 -55 104,050 1,786,825
9 LADY GAGA FAME MONSTER (8 TRK) 44,212 -62 115,482 570,475

11 GLEE CAST GLEE: THE MUSIC, V2 43,791 -57 101,920 429,206
12 YOUNG MONEY WE ARE YOUNG MONEY 43,195 -70 142,118 185,696
13 EMINEM RELAPSE 40,862 -68 127,625 1,735,358
14 RIHANNA RATED R 39,571 -56 90,727 498,595
15 BUBLE*MICHAEL CRAZY LOVE 35,021 -74 136,628 1,222,070
16 VARIOUS NOW 32 34,547 -63 93,133 674,654
17 UNDERWOOD*CARRIE PLAY ON 33,501 -78 152,873 1,183,086
18 GLEE CAST GLEE: THE MUSIC V1 32,105 -64 88,865 641,933
19 MAYER*JOHN BATTLE STUDIES 31,826 -65 90,342 698,068
20 LADY ANTEBELLUM LADY ANTEBELLUM 26,810 -68 83,874 1,351,745
21 THICKE*ROBIN SEX THERAPY: THE EXPERIENCE 25,820 -58 60,828 209,824
22 JACKSON*MICHAEL MICHAEL JACKSON’S THIS IS IT 25,254 -77 108,776 1,287,045
23 JAY-Z BLUEPRINT 3 24,830 -58 58,730 1,514,758
24 KINGS OF LEON ONLY BY THE NIGHT 22,794 -47 43,164 1,708,713
25 BROWN*ZAC BAND FOUNDATION 20,953 -66 62,264 1,456,148

27 NEW MOON (TWILIGHT) SOUNDTRACK 20,393 -76 83,491 964,575

30 JONES*NORAH FALL 19,525 -77 86,260 629,450

33 JACKSON*MICHAEL NUMBER ONES 17,958 -70 58,923 4,063,578
34 BOCELLI*ANDREA MY CHRISTMAS 17,768 -94 283,683 2,207,202
35 GUCCI MANE STATE VS. RADRIC DAVIS 17,704 -58 42,176 191,076
36 LAMBERT*ADAM FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT 17,236 -72 61,683 433,834
37 BROWN*CHRIS GRAFFITI 16,903 -72 60,364 232,908

40 SWIFT*TAYLOR TAYLOR SWIFT 15,858 -65 45,935 4,622,024
41 BEYONCE I AM…SASHA FIERCE 15,321 -56 35,184 2,658,822
42 50 CENT BEFORE I SELF-DESTRUCT 15,266 -47 28,950 349,153
43 SONGZ*TREY READY 15,130 -45 27,333 438,434
44 RUCKER*DARIUS LEARN TO LIVE 14,785 -70 49,586 1,240,902
45 CYRUS*MILEY TIME OF OUR LIVES EP 14,690 -78 67,653 1,212,336
46 NICKELBACK DARK HORSE 14,685 -59 35,456 2,533,617

So yeah, man. Its over. At least the way that we know it.

However, there is SOME hope. That hope lies in the ability of someone, whomever that may be, to promote GOOD music (there’s TONS of good music out there going completely unnoticed) again and creating a new retail model to make that good music attractive again. Promoting bad music is how we got here in the first place. That is how we lost the listener’s trust and good faith. Retail and industry would have to come together to make that good music affordable, interactive, and widely available.

The prices have to come down, point blank. CDs should be $5 dollars instead of $10 (it can happen…rmbr in the 90’s when CDs were $15?) and even LESS for digital copies (I’d say $3).

Digital copies need to have downloadable artwork, liner notes, and interactive content. Like what we did with Sinister Beauty, even though we may not have been the first to do that (*pops collar*, and I see some folks have followed suit).

People like vinyl for various reasons. So the industry is smart in bringing it back, but the prices need to come down on that, too. I’d say $10–$12 max.

Record stores are gone, but they need to come back. I suggest the mainstream/corporate stores carry ONLY the Soundscan top 200 and the top 20 in other genres(jazz, latin, dance, country, etc.). That way, they can have better control of inventory and returns. These mainstream stores should offer to special order ANYTHING that is commercially available. They should also sell any digital music that is available. There should be a checkout station for digital music where a customer can tell a cashier what they want, pay for it, then have the cashier upload the purchase to a reusable download card or USB that will allow the consumer to put the music and content(liners, pictures, etc.) on their computer OR have the content uploaded to their listening device right then and there if they choose. Even better, buy a digital album in the store and send it to any email address you choose.

There should be small specialty stores for mainstream and underground records in specific genres/niches. A store that does only metal, a store for only country, a store for only jazz, hip-hop, dance, etc…These store should carry the vinyl for the top selling releases and of course, do special orders. Diggin spots (aka used record stores) should handle mostly catalogue stuff, thus driving up traffic for them because the Top 200 stores wont have that inventory. This saves consumers the headache not knowing where to go for what they want and saves store owners from deciding what to stock. Again, both the mainstream and specialty stores need to be JUST big enough to fit shoppers and inventory comfortably. The only stores with size should be the diggin/catalogue stores. No more mega stores–too much overhead.

People will never tire of the hands on shopping experience. Its in the human nature to look and touch. So bringing record stores back in a SMART way can only help.

We need record people (aka A&R) again (see my next blog) on both a mainstream and underground level. Those label people who will seek out the good shit at shows, parties, online, and through submissions to sign, DEVELOP, and thoroughly promote artists that have the potential to build a long lasting career.

Its going to take people with vision, loot, and courage to make it happen…and I think it will happen.

I dont have all the answers, but I do believe these are starts to a new and successful industry model. Don’t completely destroy the old model, just modify it and eliminate the parts that don’t work.

Until then, people, all we can do is stop living by the old ways, stop believing in fairy tales, keep grinding, and continue to make, BUY, and spread the word about the best music we can.

I look forward to your comments.

Peace,

Scorp

That old Black magic…(8)

One of my friends asked if Voodoo was on my favorite albums of the 2000’s list. I told her no. She said I should write about why I have excluded it.
I agreed.

Let me start by saying that I really do like Voodoo. It’s a good album. But its not great. Furthermore, its not terribly interesting. Granted, this is my opinion only.

Before Voodoo was released, those who had been involved or were present at the sessions engaged in a great deal of hyperbole taumbout how D’ was the heir to the throne and how this album was so deep and complex and would set your ass on fire. Bad move.

What we got 5 years after D’s rough hewn debut, Brown Sugar, was an album that is textbook example of style over substance. Yes, there are some inspired moments, and some glimmers of brilliance, but like I told a friend some years ago, this aint knockin Innervisions off the turntable.

Lemme explain.

The first problem is that in this age of lowered expectations, people saw fit to call D’Angelo a musical genius. I have not seen nor heard proof of this genius. What have we seen or heard from him that has not been done before or better?

Singing in falsetto? Marvin Gaye, Prince, Michael Jackson, Philip Bailey, Eddie Kendricks, Russell Thompkins, Jr. of The Stylistics

Fusing hip-hop beats/sensibilities with R&B? Teddy Riley, Dallas Austin, TLC

I sincerely hope that playing keys isnt enough to get you the genius tag.

Is it his songwriting/composition? Shit, Damn, Motherfucker is based on the first 5 notes of the E minor scale. Profound lyrics? Jonz In My Bonz aint gon get it. The song Brown Sugar uses the drug as a woman metaphor that has been around since drugs and women. Untitled, lyrically, was just hollow compared to the sensuality of the music that carries the song (“love to make you wet/in between your thighs…” is just not an appealing statement). But, I will admit that there were a couple lines on Voodoo that were well written

The fact that he’s a hood dude doing R&B? 99% of R&B artists are hood dudes.

So I’m left wondering where the genius tag is coming from. Well, no I’m not. The truth is that D’Angelo is a musician and we dont have those in popular music anymore. It blows kids minds just to SEE someone Black playing an instrument these days, nevermind if theyre any good at it. Black folks have become so detached from music itself that the actual craft of playing music is almost alien to them. The reasons for this are too numerous to go into here. In Black music, people only care about the vocalist. There are NO (not ONE) commercially viable Black bands. That speaks VOLUMES. The acts in Black music rarely accompany themselves with an instrument while they sing.The actual music part of the music industry isnt a factor anymore, at least not when it comes to Black folks. We think that all music comes from machines and old records. That’s just fucking pitiful and sad.

So when folks see a Black singer who accompanies themselves on an instrument, they figure that that person MUST be some kind of wunderkind, a prodigy,…even a genius. See Alicia Keys or John Legend.

I think Im the only person in the world to notice that Brown Sugar is made up of half-songs. The intro, verses, hooks, and bridges are done by the 2 min mark. Some of the songs LITERALLY have the first 2 min of music cut and pasted on after the singing is finished. Some of the grooves were cool, but nothing that would blow your head apart. The hype comes from the fact that here’s a dude doing music somewhat in the way it used to be done. Which brings up another problem with Black people and Black music–fetishization of Classic Black music. We are content to go thru the motions of making music like they did in the days when music was really good as the rule rather than the exception. We will play the instruments but we wont put forth the effort to come up with something not only satisfying musically, but original. Plinking out vanilla whole note chords on the Rhodes and playing really rudimentary stuff on bass and drums (“boom-clack/boom, clack” (c) Badu) behind it does not a soul legend make–just as playing dress up in your parent clothes doesnt make you an adult. Im not saying that D is guilty of this, but the acts who came behind him on the neo-soul bandwagon were.

Let’s remain clear: Im not saying that D’Angelo doesnt have any talent. He does. He had tons of potential. Unfortunately, that potential has not been fully realized. It takes time, study, and practice. Prince’s debut For You only hinted at his potential. Same with Stevie’s Music Of My Mind. How could we know that the guys who made the Dancing Machine album would make an album like Triumph? Sheeeit, Im sure Prince thought he had his stage shit DOWN until MJ sonned him on stage in front of James Brown in 1983. Look at Prince on stage before and after–there was a massive game upstepping in that period. Actually, Prince did the same thing to D’ after Voodoo dropped. Prince invited him on stage at Paisley Park and then proceeded to son him somn awful. I can see P like, “oh, you a legend???…you a genius???…well, let’s see if yo ass can hang wit me…”. Instead of learning from his sonning like P did, D’s spirit was broken and he hasnt been the same since.

That fact kinda backs up my theory that they dont make Jesses like they used to. You can break a new school cat pretty damn easy. Back in the day, Black folks had to be strong and rise to challenges cuz the world granted you no breaks, you had to sink or swim. My generation were the first Black kids that our parents confused nurturing with enabling, and it hasnt stopped. As a result, we have a nation of people, of all races, that are comfortable with excuses instead of achievement.

But I digress. What I gathered from Brown Sugar is that D’ liked girls, weed, hip-hop, and old records. So when the Black boho musical intelligentsia said that this next record was the real and true deal, I couldnt wait to dive in.

Upon my initial listens to Voodoo, I was happy to see the start of what I thought would be a musical talent growing before my eyes. We had been told that Voodoo was only the first step and that the music would keep coming to reveal the genius that lay within Michael Eugene Archer (where did the name D’Angelo come from?). Voodoo is a great first step, like Music Of My Mind, For You, Cant Buy A Thrill, etc. But we soon found out that that was it–there was no more to come.

While the album is enjoyable, the work within doesn’t justify a 5 year gestation period. This album could have been cooked up in a month, honestly. You want complexity and depth? Go check out Embrya by Maxwell. THAT album is some next level shit. Voodoo is a collection of simple, but nice grooves that are fine to groove to but doesnt re-invent the wheel. And D’Angelo is no musical genius on par with Prince, Stevie, James, Al, Curtis, etc. Now here’s the kicker. There is NOTHING wrong with that.

It is okay to be an above average musician. True genius is few and far between. I love the music of Hall and Oates. Are they geniuses? Hell naw. But they are very good at what they do. Roy Ayers? Love him. Genius? No. Commodores, Slave–great bands. Geniuses? No. Part of it is nature and part of it is nurture. It takes time to get to that master level. D was not given the time. His peers dropped a heavy crown on his head and left him to his own devices trying to wear it.

D has hinted that he feels a scary spiritual connection to Marvin Gaye. There are some obvious parallels, but one thing sticks out. Marvin Gaye thought of himself as a fraud. He didnt think that he was as good as everyone said he was (he was wrong). D has that same problem. All of his people are telling him that he is a musical genius of the highest order and that he is the Savior of Black music. The only part about that is that theyre the ones who are wrong, and deep in his heart he knows it and it tears him apart to try to live up to that expectation knowing that he’s not from that stock of musician. He fears being exposed, thus the lack of released work. What’s worse is that his peers point to his struggles as proof that he is a special breed, because all great soul men and artists are tortured, arent they?

Well, sorta. Alot of artists, great and not, are tortured. Some people are just tortured without the special gift part. Some greats are not tortured at all (see Stevie, Curtis).

The grooves on Voodoo are pleasant enough. Some of them touch the hem of funky. Some of them have a nice soulful feel. Some of them are just there. For an audience of lowered expectations, the fact that he fits the Johnny Bravo suit is enough to hoist D on their shoulders and call him the soul messiah.

As an artistic statement, what is Voodoo saying? What sentiment stays on our minds after the album has concluded. Well, we already know that D likes girls, weed, hip-hop, and old records. What does Voodoo tell us? It tells us that D likes girls, old records, and that he feels pressure to live up to expectations. Voodoo doesnt really have much of a perspective, whether inwardly or outwardly. Marvin let us know how he felt about the state of the world on What’s Going On. Stevie wanted to take us on a journey through life itself on SITKOL. MJ showed us how to make a perfect pop album with Thriller. It is my opinion that all truly great albums have some kind of statement, whether intentional or not-either overt or underlying.

Voodoo is the aural equivalent of a good ass sandwich. It does its job, doesnt offend, and gets you by. A great meal satisfies deeply, urges you to savor each bite, and stays with you for quite some time. We need both in our lives.

I say that if he chooses, let D continue to make good ass sandwiches. Without all the external pressure, maybe one day he’ll learn to be a great chef.

The slippery slope of E-Hoein’(6)

“…Man, that shit I told her just fucked her up. She was so fine that she was used to men just falling down over themselves to get her. But I wasn’t like that and have never been like that. Just because a woman is fine don’t mean nothing to me and never did; I’ve always had fine women. For me to really get into them they also have to have a mind and think about something other than how fine they are…”
-Miles Davis, from “Miles – The Autobiography”

I read Miles Davis’ autobiography once, maybe twice a year. It’s obviously one of my favorite books. I usually pull it out when I need some inspiration. I was alot like Miles when I was a teenager. I simply said what I thought without really thinking or caring abt what people felt abt it. I think alot about getting back to that state of mind, and I think I’ve finally become comfortable enough with the idea to do it.  Each time I read the book, I catch somn that I hadn’t before. The above passage stood out this time.

I can’t lie. People on a whole disappoint me somewhat. But as I’ve gotten older, I dont let it get to me as much. We seem to be regressing socially, IMO. Women especially perplex me. I understand how they work in theory, but when it comes to dealing with em, I keep falling back on logic. As any one who deals with women knows, logic gets you nowhere. LOL.

The passage from Miles book hit me like a ton of bricks. A few weeks ago, a woman I know and am not involved with told me flat out, “You never pay attention to me!…”. Her saying that kinda shook me, because I think like Miles does. Even though I’m a Joe Schmoe lookin’ mofo, I’ve been fortunate enough to have spent time with some really physically beautiful women. What man doesn’t like fine women? It’s like good food-everybody likes it! But the outer beauty of a woman is only icing on the cake that decorates her inner beauty. Now, I’m no snob. I’ve been with women who may not be model material, but were otherwise were very attractive in their own way and that’s because of the substance of their character. The same goes for the fine ones, what really attracted me was what was going on inside of them.

A few weeks before that, I heard kinda the same thing from another woman. Now both women I heard this from are stunning and have dudes knocking shit over to get to em. So, Im thinking, “how much MORE validation do you need?…how much is enough?…”. But there I go again with the logic.

The answer is there’s NEVER enough. Women are insecure by nature, and need almost constant validation–ESPECIALLY if theyre young. You kinda have to feed it to em selectively. Give em just enough to keep going, but not too much cuz then they start getting egotistical and stuck-up. I always fuck that part up because I want them to know that Im into them for more than what’s outside, and I figure my attention, patience, and understanding will show what they mean to me. WRONG! WRONG! {(c) Charlie Murphy} I think Chris Rock said something to the effect of, “women need 3 things to survive: food, air, and compliments.” He may be right.

Which is why so many women strive to be entertainers. It’s a woman’s wet dream to be universally adored, envied, admired, and lusted after. Every woman dreams of walking into a room and having everybody stop and stare.

The thing that most people miss is that this kind of craving for attention is based in low self-esteem. The lower the self esteem, the further a woman will go to get the attention she craves. Once she gets it, its like a drug. She cant get enough and will do whatever it takes to keep it coming.

These days, far too many women confuse sexual liberation with sexually exploiting themselves. They put themselves on display for the attention of men. In the process, they reduce themselves to mere sex objects. Not fully formed people with hearts, minds, and souls-just willing sexual conquests with nothing more to offer than the easy access to their vaginas. Ladies, Im’a tell you a secret. A lot of you dont look beautiful, confident, or alluring. You look like a whore. That’s what us guys are thinking when your skirt is above your thighs and you’re making your ass clap on the dance floor. What do we do with whores? We fuck them and and forget about them. Im not trying to be mean, its the truth. We wont tell you that because were tryna gain access. But once we talk to our boys, thats what we say.

Dont get it twisted. Aint nothing wrong with confidence or sexuality, or confidence in sexuality. But that sexuality has to be balanced with respect for one’s self, being aware of reality, and a personal depth that would make someone be interested in more than just a casual sexual encounter. Like Chris Rock said, you may not be a hoe, but you might have on a hoe’s uniform. I’ll add to that that you may not even be aware of how well you play the hoe role. Depth is sexier than any streetwalker dress you can squeeze yourself into. Sexiness comes from within.

I dont even think there’s anything wrong with casual sexual encounters as long as both people involved have some level of respect for each other and are mature enough to know what they will get out of it and what they will not get out of it and can handle the encounters with discretion and class. Unfortunately, that too often isnt the case.

This new desperation naturally pops up in our entertainment.  Our popular female entertainers have no qualms about presenting themselves as tawdry objects of sexual fantasy.

I just saw this video a few weeks ago:

Yes, Beyonce is a beautiful girl. We get it. However, you can cut the desperation in this video with a knife. She gives us this empowered woman rap all the time, but before you know it, here she is doing a stripper routine. Rolling around on the floor, spreading her legs and sticking her ass out. What am I supposed to respect about that? Does the fact that she’s rich make it any classier or evolved than if the chick at the hood club is doing the same thing? Nope.

The Single Ladies video concept was sexy, but it was restrained and classy. As a music video, it works. In real life, it looks kinds hoe-ish. The slope is slippery. It obviously wasnt enough to toe the line for Mrs. Knowles-Carter. Not knowing when to quit, you can see her above stepping over the line. As slutty as that looks on screen means that it looks 100 times sluttier when you bust these moves.

Or we can look at Rihanna. I saw her say in an interview abt how she decide to quit Chris Brown because of the message that would send to young girls and that she realized that her decision was more than about just her. I gained some respect for her upon hearing that. Then her new album comes out and she’s everywhere in various stages of nudity. What message is that?

At this point, you’re going beyond entertainer. When everytime I see you, you are topless, nude, walking around with your nipples showing in a see thru shirt, wearing short skirts with no panties, or doing any other common raunchy shit and your music/acting/modeling is secondary to your image at BEST– youre not an artist, youre a hoe. A hoe in media. An E-hoe.

Even Madonna scaled it back when she took it too far with the Sex book and the world told her, “Madonna, you a hoe…”

These days, even straight up hoes have become celebrities. They just eschew the pretense of having some kind of talent and just get down to the nitty gritty. “You wanna fuck me, and Im going to use that to make myself well known.” From Pamela Anderson (whose recent antics as woman in her mid 40’s who is the mother of 2 young boys are just sad), to Superhead, to Tila Tequila, to Jenna Jameson, to video hoes, to internet models. Let’s not even talk about “models”. Models used to serve the purpose of demonstrating fashion. Now, youre more likely to see a model butt naked than modeling any clothes. Making your ass, titties, and pussy the MOST interesting thing about you has become a legitimate way to get people to take interest in you. It’s gotten so bad that even GUYS do it now. You got dudes walking around shirtless and greased and showing off their pubic mounds on social networking sites.

Remember that jag-off from Pretty Ricky flouncing around in his draws on You Tube? When women do stuff like that, we men admire the ass and what have you, but we still clown yall in secret the way yall clowned that dude openly.

I’m WELL aware that a good number of guys dont think about it that way. They just wanna get off on the masturbation/fantasy fodder. When they see Miss Non-Celebrity at the club dressed like a hoe and and doing hoe shit {(c) Fresh}, they scheme on the very real possibility of fucking. What they wont tell you is that they dont want their mothers, wives,  sisters, nieces, and daughters doing anything of the sort. That says something.

This culture of e-hoein’, or cyber-hoein’ is not only sad but disgusting. For the women and girls out there who are not public figures, that e-hoein’ too often turns into real hoein’. The rapes, the beatings, the abandoned children, the sexually transmitted diseases, and the short lived sex worker “careers” are the results. Next time you pull som hoe-ish out of your closet or set out to the dance floor to simulate sex with a stranger, remember–everyone in the room and everyone who sees you is clowning you in their heads. The guys are thinking of ways to swindle you out of some quick pussy and the other women in the room who arent participating in the hoe-style activities are repulsed by you. If youre lucky, someone might pity you and wonder why you dont love yourself enough to do better.

The huge irony in all of this is that the folks who are into this kind of new age exhibitionism sometimes turn out to be not very sexy people at all. its just role playing and copycatting. Get them in bedroom and you feel like you could have had a V-8.

“Beautiful as Betty was physically, she didn’t have any confidence in herself as a person. She was a high-class groupie, who was very talented but who didn’t believe in her own talent. Jackie and Marguerite didn’t have that problem, and so I was relaxed with them…”
-Miles Davis, from “Miles -The Autobiography”

Nothing I will say will change any of this, but hopefully more often than not, young women will come to realize that the thing that REALLY gets our attention is intelligence, elegance, class which blends to form true sexiness. THOSE are the women that turn heads in the room. Any man whose worth a damn will recognize it, too. The type of cats you meet doing hoe shit, naturally wont be worth a damn.

“See Betty was too young and wild for the things I expected from a woman. I was used to a cool, hip, elegant woman like Frances or Cicely, who could handle herself in all kinds of situations…She [Betty] was raunchy and all that kind of shit, all sex…I just didn’t pay much attention…the kind of shit she would do and with the other stuff she was doing I just got tired of it…”
-Miles Davis, from “Miles – The Autobiography”

Miles’ 2nd wife, Betty Davis. “Beautiful as Betty was physically, she didn’t have any confidence in herself as a person…” -Miles Davis
Miles Davis and Frances Taylor. Frances was the best wife that I ever had and whoever gets her is a lucky motherfucker. -Miles Davis
Miles Davis and Frances Taylor. “Frances was the best wife that I ever had and whoever gets her is a lucky motherfucker.” -Miles Davis

Again ladies, Im not tryna to put anybody down, I just think you’re better than that. Bad bodies and pretty faces are a dime a dozen. Find out what you have going for you that really makes you special. Let that be the thing that draws people to you. Nothing is black and white,  and a small touch of scandalousness is healthy–but at the right time and in the right place.

…and I say it with love. L-O-V-E.

Happy Bday MJ–An analysis of a lesser known MJ masterwork(6)

michael_jackson_dangerous-f

Preamble:

I shouldn’t have written this and posted it on a message board…I told myself I would stop writing long in depth stuff like this for message boards…Instead, I would save it for here…but like a dummy, I did it anyway….

So I’m putting it here where it belongs….

In the 2 months since Mike’s death, aint shit really changed…people have their mind made up abt Mike and NO MATTER WHAT evidence you provide(documents, first hand accounts, the man’s own words/actions)to the contrary, they are far more comfortable villianizing/dismissing him….

Its pisses me off so goddamn bad…for numerous reason that have less to do with Michael Jackosn but more to do with human nature(no pun intended)and how evolved we are as a society….so I’ll just get my ticket for This Is It and shut my mouth….

Happy Birthday, Mike…I was listening, and I understood. Thank you.

*begin article*

According to Bruce Swedien–chief engineer for Quincy Jones and now Michael Jackson–the recordings for the next album started the day after the Bad album wrapped…however, one member of the team who created magic was missing…

Quincy Jones has revealed that during the sessions for Bad(the first album cover that revealed Michael’s skin as NOT brown)that Mike tried to confide in him about the health issues that were causing drastic changes in his appearance, namely that he was suffering from vitiligo…

Quincy–who had posed in many pictures with Michael, smiling warmly and embracing him affectionately–had made the world believe that he was a loving father figure to young adult Michael, responded very simply to Mike’s revelations…

“Bullshit…”

Quincy wished to hear no more and continued with work…

After the Bad tour wrapped, Michael had been convinced to deliver a project called Decade…Decade would be a greatest hits package with a few new songs…Though Mike was well aware of what he wanted, he needed someone to translate what he heard in his head to the machines in the studio…

Mike knocked around in the studio with longtime studio hands Bryan Loren and Bill Bottrell but he wasn’t getting exactly what he wanted…without Quincy, another studiomeister was needed…the word was out…

Once it was announced that Quincy would not be returning, the public collectively gasped…most people within and outside the industry mistakenly believed that Quincy was solely responsible for the genius behind MJ’s music…

Enter Teddy Riley.

The young wunderkind from Harlem singlehandedly reshaped the sound of R&B a few years earlier with his blend of aggressive grooves over hip-hop style drum programs. The sound was first explored with Riley’s own group, Guy and then spread over his many productions for other artists like Bobby Brown and Keith Sweat…it would be called New Jack Swing.

More collective gasping. People wondered what might happen to the classic Michael Jackson sound…

According to Teddy, he came to the studio with a CD of 10 grooves–just loosely arranged ideas…he hoped that Michael would choose a few…

Teddy pressed play on the CD, and he waited nervously…before he knew it, Michael started to dance…

When the groove that became Remember The Time came on, Teddy remembers that Michael stopped the CD and hustled him into the piano room of the studio…there he told Teddy that all songs must start on an instrument and asked him to play the groove on piano…

Teddy had hoped that Michael would accept a few of the selections from his groove CD…Michael took all of them…the Decade idea would have to wait–a new Michael Jackson album was underway…

According to Wikipedia, the sessions for Dangerous began on an interesting day–June 25, 1990…recording would take over a year and be turned in just weeks before release…

From the first beats of Jam, it was apparent that Michael would not be singing over Guy leftovers…

Teddy and Michael met at the mid-points of their sounds and blended seamlessly….Michael and Teddy deconstructed Teddy’s grooves and rebuilt them as songs…both men were inspired and the songs kept coming…they were finally forced to stop by the looming deadline…

For some reason, Mike decided to group all the Riley tracks except one on the first side of the album–which divides the album into suites…whether this was intentional is not known…

The Riley tracks are built on tense, funky grooves that eventually unfold until the listener is trapped inside a huge futuristic groove contraption…

Thematically, Michael takes himself out of his private fantasyland and plants himself in the middle of present day reality…

He contemplates the changes that the impending new millennium will bring and how people try to cope through their faiths in Jam…he challenges the public and the media to focus on ever present social issues rather than his eccentricities on Why You Wanna Trip On Me?…he explores the pent up sexual tension of a clandestine relationship on In The Closet…he takes us inside an emotionally abusive relationship on Can’t Let Her Get Away(Jackson plays the victim)

“I play the fool for you/I change the rules for you/but still you said goodbye…”

The side ends with Heal The World–a disgustingly saccharine rip-off of We Are The World…for some strange reason, Michael was extremely proud of this song, and even more inexplicable, it became a huge hit in some countries…within the context of the album it serves as a bridge to take us away from the hardcore reality and back into Michael’s private world…

The Riley suite is by far the most interesting material on the album…the music that Jackson and Riley create is almost brutal sounding…deep, pulsating electric funk grooves dressed with layers of space age adornments that come in cascading waves of sound…acoustic instruments are blended with synths, and as Michael claimed, handmade sounds programmed by Riley and Jackson…

She Drives Me Wild contains a drum track made exclusively of samples of car sounds…Michael’s pet tiger appears in the mix of another song…Remember The Time became an overplayed classic with its blend of driving drums and a sweet melodious synth groove under Michael’s measured and impassioned vocals…one could think of it as an update of Rock With You…In The Closet is a serpentine groove that explodes with a soaring bridge and is one of the best songs on the album…

one notable difference from other Jackson albums is the many sheets of vocal tracks–specifically on the Riley suite…Michael employs a gritty tone, a whispery tone, his full tenor, stacked harmonies, counter vocals, beatboxing, and sound effects to create a wall of vocals on the songs…headphones reveal this vocal tapestry in full…one is reminded of one of Michael’s heroes, Marvin Gaye, and his genius in multi-tracking his own vocals(Marvin would be a vocal inspiration to Mike throughout his career)…

one could argue that Riley’s work on Dangerous was his creative peak as a producer….Producing with Jackson challenged Riley to focus on his songcraft and structure as much as his sound design and layering(which he had developed on Guy’s sophomore album The Future)…from that point, Riley would rely on sampling in his work and would not return to that level of innovation again in his production career…

On side 2 of the album, the songs are borne not of the outside world, but from Michael’s inner sanctum…produced mostly by Michael with help from Bill Bottrell, the songs on side 2 are more “human” sounding rather than the hard edged funk giants on side 1…it seems that he is making an offering to pop fans with this less confrontational material

Mike’s vocals are more gentle and traditional in contrast to the snarly, gruff tone he employs on the Riley tracks…

Sorrow is a consistent theme on side 2…he goes back to the well on Give In To Me–the token rock track on Dangerous…it doesnt have the teeth of Beat It or even Dirty Diana and sounds very much catered for pop radio with its faux country rock feel…

He mourns his friend Ryan White on the elegant Gone Too Soon…even though Mike was vocally skilled enough to handle material like this, this is not the type of music Michael Jackson fans were into…and ironically, the lyrics seem to fit better as a eulogy for Michael rather than Ryan…this became clear when Usher sang the song at Michael’s memorial..

the standout track on side 2 is Who Is It…in this morose, aching, yet subtly funky track, Mike sings about the agony of being suddenly abandoned by a lover and the paranoia that results from it…he sings the verses in a choked tone of voice to evoke the grief of the character of the song…

Side 2 is rounded out by hands-held-in-the-air sing along Will You Be There…in the song, an embattled Mike prays for the love and support of people around him in his darkest hours…little did he know that those dark hours were right around the corner…musically, the intent is there but the execution leaves something to be desired…the spoken coda finds an emotional Michael in a tear filled prayer, which could be viewed as melodramatic, uncomfortable, or heartbreaking depending on the listener…

Keep The Faith is a blatant attempt to redo Man In The Mirror…the composition itself is really good, but the production chooses to use cold synthesized instruments rather than a warmer live sound and the song suffers for it…Michael gives a great vocal performance here and had he chosen to release this rather than Will You Be There, it would have made a better case for the non-Riley tracks on the album…

in a nice use of album sequencing, Jackson does the opposite of what he did with side 1 where he ended the Riley suite with a softer song–he ends side 2 with a Riley cut….

the title track had been demoed with Bill Bottrell and is available on The Ultimate Collection, but Riley’s version is FAR superior…

over a swirling, hypnotic Riley groove, Mike delivers a spoken word piece about a being seduced by a mysterious femme fatale…the bridge and chorus find Mike singing about the results of being taken in by such a woman…the groove is extended for dancing and brings the album to a nice close…

before the release of the album, Michael’s image in the press had taken a serious beating…the winds of change in both society and music made many wonder if the all the larger than life pomp and circumstance of Michael Jackson and 80’s superstars of his ilk were necessary anymore…

because of 2 ill-conceived but memorable publicity stunts(the Elephant Man’s bones and the Hyperbaric Chamber)pulled by Mike and his management to generate publicity for the forthcoming Bad album, he opened himself up to become a whipping boy for the tabloid an the mainstream press…it also didnt help that the Michael Jackson of 1991 looked drastically different from the Michael Jackson the world fell in love with in 1983…the word bizarre was tacked onto his name in almost every news item…

Would the record buying public care about this new Michael Jackson album?

The first shot from Dangerous was the peppy and VERY MOR pop rocker Black Or White(it opens side 2), which offers Mike’s rather simplistic view on race relations…the world premiere of the video on prime time TV and the controversy that ensued from it only served to heighten the suspense of whether a comeback would be embraced by the public…

the extended portion of the video features Michael in a dance of rage…on a darkened street, he employs lighting quick fancy foot work that leads to him raging against the racist graffiti he sees…he smashes the windows where the slurs appear…with each act of rebellious violence, he seems to feel a rush of sexual pleasure…he gyrates vigorously with his hands caressing his crotch–running his hands over himself as he winds his pelvis suggestively…finally, when he is done, he transforms into a black panther(symbolism that was quite intentional)and leaves the scene….anyone who wondered if Michael Jackson’s message of color blindness in the song meant that he had forgotten that he is a Black man in America was sent a subtle message by the segment…

Conservatives were outraged by both the violence and sexuality of the segment and called for its banning immediately, citing MJ’s influence on children as the main reason why his performance was offensive…and though they didnt say anything about it, I’m sure the black panther thing pissed them off royally…

The public spoke. Black Or White sailed to number 1 on the pop charts…the stage was set for the album’s release and the return of Michael Jackson…

The dichotomy of the video speaks to the dichotomy of both the Dangerous album and even Michael Jackson himself…there are two worlds for Michael–the one that he longs for and tries to create and the one that exists and resists change…the song Black Or White and the first segment of the video represents that Utopia where people of all nations dance together in unity, peace, and love…the second half of the video represents reality where there is violence, hate, anger, lust, and racism…Dangerous shows both worlds through one man’s eyes…

Critics were split on their view of the album…some loved it, some hated it…most were ambivalent…they felt that the album was too bombastic and that Michael’s new vocal approach was not to their liking…they felt it lacked the joy of past MJ albums and was too dark…

if anyone has paid much attention to Michael Jackson’s musical evolution, then they would know that his music has always come from equally happy and dark places in his psyche…

The depression and loneliness of the songs on The Jacksons’ Destiny album…songs like Heartbreak Hotel and Billie Jean…Thriller itself is about being attacked by zombies…Wanna Be Startin Something is about how gossip is never as harmless as it seems…Smooth Criminal is a graphic song about a woman being murdered in her home…Michael Jackson’s music has always had strong shades of darkness…it has never been all sunshine and boogie-ing with Michael Jackson’s adult music…even Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough was about an erotic sexual encounter(even though Mike denied it, the lyrics are clear)…it seems that when Black artists step away from the banal topics of romance, seduction, and partying, mainstream music critics complain about how the music isn’t fun…

Dangerous was no different…people accused Michael throughout his adult life of being out of touch with reality….in actuality, Michael was very aware of reality, which resulted in his desire to escape from it at times…in Dangerous, he confronted reality head on…

The cover art of Dangerous is a hint of what’s inside…illustrated by artist Mark Ryden, Dangerous is perhaps the best cover art of MJ’s career…MJ’s eyes only appear behind a mask, the mask is made up of various symbols that could perhaps represent a glimpse into the mind of Michael Jackson…one could spend much time analyzing the meaning of the imagery on the cover…

In totality, Dangerous is a dark and brooding work overall…it takes you deep into the soul of the tortured artist as he struggles to make peace with a world that does not seems suited to him, and that is far more interesting than the synthetic, safe pop of Bad…it wasnt the 70’s or the 80’s anymore, and those who expected to hear a Michael Jackson record built on those same musical values would be disappointed…Perhaps he realized that he played it too safe with Bad…the metallic funk moves Jackson into the the future instead of trying to play catch up…he takes Teddy Riley’s sound and reshapes it to suit his own musical intentions…he is not content to let the current music scene of the time dictate where his music would go, instead he takes the bull by the horns and leads the charge toward the millennium…

Dangerous is by no means a perfect album…Mike no longer saw himself as an just an R&B or soul artist–he saw himself as a global artist…he wished to serve the tastes of all of his fans, therefore diluting the power of the album…on the other hand, he was no fool–he knew that R&B was his bread and butter…he would continue to try to cover all bases with his remaining 2 albums…while some of the softer songs work, some are too mushy and serve only as roadblocks…taken as a whole, Dangerous is a trip through the mind of a complex artist as he tries to reconcile his spiritual aspirations(Keep The Faith, Heal The World)with his worldly concerns(In The Closet, Jam).

Dangerous is a reminder that the Michael Jackson image presented in the media is a one dimensional caricature and that if one looks closely, there is a real man behind the mask watching it all go down…

Scorp Rating 4.50/5.00

In Memoriam Part 2: Michael Jackson – Long Live The King(48)

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Saturday June 27th, 2009

It has taken me this long to get my thoughts together.

I’m not trying to make this some definitive tribute statement, either…I’m just speaking from my soul…

Another Black man is gone before he could grow old…that in itself is a tragedy…but what makes it significant is that that Black man is the greatest entertainer ever…

Yes, I said it.

Michael Jackson is the greatest entertainer ever.

I definitely do not wish to shortchange James Brown. James Brown is the blueprint of modern Black music. Michael knew this and studied JB’s every move. He loved James—as a mentor, as an entertainer, and as a person. To me it speaks volumes that Michael came out of his exile to honor James when he passed….

Michael put his own issues aside and came out for JB when so may of JB’s disciples and progeny were shamefully absent….

James Brown lived a long life, and good sense would tell you that JB was older than what he said he was….so when JB passed, it was major but not unexpected…

I haven’t told anyone this until the last couple of days…Michael Jackson introduced me to music…It was because of him that I made up my mind early in my childhood that I would make music…

I’ve heard quite a few other people, famous and not, say the same thing over the past few days…

Over the years, I have defended him against unfair and false criticism…the thing that angers me the most about his life is the willful ignorance of those who hate him…

I’ve never seen anyone be hated with the fervor I’ve seen some people hate Michael Jackson…

I’ve heard people call for his death…and now that it has happened, I’ve heard people say that they are glad…

and they base these feelings on what exactly?

Because he was eccentric? I bet you there are weirder people in your family…

this didn’t start with the allegations, this hatred of Michael Jackson has been building steadily since 1987….I’ve watched it with my own eyes…

I watched the press start going out of their way to make it seem like everything he did was cat shit crazy…

“Bizarre singer Michael Jackson flew a kite in his yard today…the famously weird singer for some odd reason flew a kite for about an hour this afternoon ….some found the scene disturbing…”

Silly shit like that…

A real life example is when Michael bounced his baby on his knee to calm his crying…Martin Bashir acted like he was choking the baby…

Who DOESN’T bounce crying babies on their knee?

I think the thing I found most disturbing about the venom directed at Michael Jackson was the Black people who turned their backs on him…

Michael Jackson represented for Black people all of his life.

His career is based on his Blackness…

He paid for David Ruffin’s funeral.

John H. Johnson (publisher of Ebony and Jet) was one of his advisers.

He owned Sly Stone’s publishing and made sure Sly was taken care of.

His heroes were James Brown, Jackie Wilson, and Sammy Davis., Jr…he spent his 50th birthday listening to James Brown…

There are rumors that after acquiring the publishing rights to Little Richard’s songs, Mike gave them back to Richard…not sold, gave…

Michael would bring in busloads of poor children South Central, Watts and other black populated areas of LA county to Neverland to have their run of the place…

Saul Williams said that his education was funded by part of a 25 million dollar donation by Michael to the United Negro College fund.

Michael was friends with Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton.

He loved to vacation in Africa and tried to spread the word about the historic and physical beauty of the continent…he stated that he believes all things come from Africa….

He made a song called THEY Don’t Care About US (feel free to read between the lines)

He loved the documentary Unforgivable Blackness about the story of Jack Johnson.

He made street dancing popular long before the breakdancing phenomenon of the mid-80s….in the mid-70’s, Mike was popping and locking. He always gave credit to the dancers in the streets, many times hiring them for his videos.

He made a video with real gang members, long before gang-banging became chic.

He made a video showing Black people as royalty in Africa.

His vocal style with all the ad-libs, scatting, and slang is undeniably Black.

Michael NEVER looked down on hip-hop…he reached out to, collaborated with, and mentored many young hip-hop artists.

He called Tommy Mottola a devil, loved to eat KFC (with the skin removed) and drink Crown Royal, his first date with Lisa Marie was to go see the Temptations and The Fifth Dimension in Las Vegas.

She asked him, “Where will we stay?

“In my room.”, he replied.

“Will we sleep in the same bed?” she continued

“Hell yeah, girl!…” was his answer…

was he not Black?

He had a perm and married a white girl…how Black is that?…LOL

I kid….but I never felt that Michael did not want to be Black.

I don’t want to focus on the controversy because that cheapens his legacy…as a man, he had faults…but who among us does not?

The plain and simple truth is the reason why Michael touched so many of us in such a personal way is because what his mission was….

he summed up it here, very succinctly:

“Love is my message….”
-Michael Jackson, 1980

he told us many times over the years…

“All the colors of the world should be lovin’ each other/wholeheartedly/Yes, its all right/take my message to your brother and tell him twice/Spread the word and try to teach the man/who’s hating his brother/when hate won’t do/When we’re all the same/cause the blood inside of me is inside of you…”

Michael Jackson was not just a simple singer and dancer…he was a revolutionary…

As a songwriter and producer, he does not get his due…he is the definitive for behind the sound…he is the funky one…he is the one with the gift…

he used Quincy to articulate his intent, but he did it without Quincy, before and after Quincy….

He is a musical genius…bar none…

His lyrics are rich with meaning and emotion…people get caught up in the spectacle and miss what he was saying…

“something’s soon to come over you/you just cant please the world and yourself/gotta start doing what’s right for you/cause life is being happy yourself…”
-Bless His Soul

“live inside cryin’ eyes/your touch/your heart/your warmth/lullaby/love to dream/don’t it seem/the tears/the pain/reality/

don’t cha know/these dreams I wish could be/the real you and me/I come running back to you/you push me away/you push/you push me away…”
-Push Me Away

“I am the damned/I am the dead/I am the agony inside the dying head/this is injustice/woe unto me/I pray this punishment will have mercy on me…”
-Who Is It

“this time I’m leaving all of my cares behind/I taste the good life and its fine/no more this pain and strife/this life’s willing to be/and I’ve got enough/and I know what’s right for me

I’ve done my time and I have paid the price/all you have to do/is state my name out loud/forget your worries/and let’s dance and shout/cause we’re here to live so free/Ive got to let me be…”
-Everybody

“the world keeps changing/rearranging minds and thoughts/predictions fly of doom/the baby boom/has come of age/we’ll work it out

I told my brother/don’t u ask me for no favors/I’m conditioned by the system/don’t you preach to me/don’t scream and shout

she pray to God/to Buddha/then she sings a Talmud song/confusions contradictions/the self/do we know right from wrong?

I just want you to recognize me in the temple/you cant hurt me/Ive found peace within myself…”
-Jam

“Now, I’m a man whose for all seasons/and what the city offers me/ain’t naturally/I live to greet the stars but there’s no stars to see/ I’m gonna search this world until I find my destiny…

If its the rich life/I don’t want it/happiness ain’t always material things

I want destiny/its the place for me/gimme the simple life/I’m getting ‘way from here/let me be me/cmon/let me feel free…”
-Destiny

These are words that came from his heart and his pen…incredibly profound words….a lot of us were listening…

This is why we felt Michael, because he reached out and did his best to make us feel, to unite us, to make us dance…

His voice is instantly recognizable…a beautiful, soulful instrument of both joy and pain…from his first songs to his last…

When I listen to Get On The Floor, I am captured by the breakdown….he breathes and scats in amazing rhythm…then he begins to chant:

“get up/wontcha gon’ get down/shake ya body/wont cha gon get down….”

he repeats this over and over….his vocal percussion blending in with the the drums and tom-toms…

he keeps repeating this until you feel like you are in some kind of voodoo ritual….he brings the groove back with a scream…he’s still chanting but harder…urging you to move…

the groove climaxes and he is whooping and screaming as if possessed…

when he comes back to the lyrics he is so exhilarated that he is laughing out loud while he sings…

he was feeling the groove as much as we were…we had no choice but to surrender…

many other folks my age, when we were kids, and we watched Michael sing and dance, he seemed to be a supernatural force of nature…he seemed more than human…

it was the little things…the glowing socks…the glowing pavement when he walked on it…the laser light behind him in Rock With You…it felt real….it felt natural…like he was some kind of funk sorcerer who knew magic…

Magic.

That’s the word that keeps coming up when people talk about Michael…his mystique and his brilliance made us think somehow, someway magic was real….

You watch him in The Wiz…and you realize that he really is The Scarecrow…

His music at its core…was primal…there was a combination of darkness and light behind it all…he could do the ballads and the smooth stuff….but when he was unleashed over a funk groove, that’s when we got the raw Mike…

songs like Workin Day And Night, Wanna be Startin Somethin’, Heartbreak Hotel, Remember The Time, Everybody…

We fed on his energy and we couldn’t get enough of it…

If you really listened to his music…I mean REALLY listened…he told us everything we needed to know…

One of his most enduring and heartbreaking songs is That’s What You Get (For Being Polite)…it is pure autobiography…

“love’s not harsh/love’s not bad/ but what he’s doing for love is so sad…

he wants to be so bad/he wants to be so bad/all the time/gettin in/thinks he can get out/something’s deep in side of him/eating up the pride in him/that makes him buy things for the girls/that’s what you get for being polite…”
-That’s What You Get For Being Polite

But even though we are grown men and women and we know that he is human just like us…we still have the notion that he is really some kind of spiritual force in human form…as we all are really…

But now that he has passed, it underlines with mean finality that underneath it all, he was flesh and blood…

All of that wisdom, artistry, energy, excitement, sensitivity and love seems like its been taken away from us….

People, my heart is heavy…because for all that the brother gave to us all,we did not return his love like we should have…

It is not just that it ends this way for Michael….for all the respect shown, the media still will not let go of their bigotry and disdain….they still allude and make innuendo…they fear his power and refuse to let the brother shine and go on to his glory like he deserves…

But then I think about it, and all of that wisdom, artistry, energy, excitement, love, and sensitivity will never die…Michael will live on forever…

We will never forget him.

We will still sing along, we will still dance, we will still watch and listen.

We mourn the loss of him not as a celebrity, but as a friend….he was a friend to us…

I listen to the people who knew him personally and I hear their devastation…I listen to what THEY say about him and I know I was right about him…if he wasn’t as special as he seemed to be, this might be just a little easier to take…

I’m not ashamed to say that I love Michael Jackson…and the world doesn’t feel the same without him here…

you kind of always expected him to be here…

Through his life, he taught me so much about life, music, compassion, survival, expression…and I feel I’m a better person for being a Michael Jackson fan…

I pray for his family, especially his parents, and his children.

I pray that people will show respect, restrain, and compassion now that he has moved on.

I pray that people will move away from the spectacle and really and truly re-discover his music and his gift…and even though its far fetched, maybe see him for who he really is.

Michael Jackson sacrificed his life to entertain us, to make us happy, and possibly teach us a thing or two…no matter what you thought of him, that deserves respect….

Michael Jackson is the greatest entertainer ever.

We will not see a phenomenon like him again.

Michael Jackson was more than the greatest entertainer ever…he was a great man…

and the world was a much better place when he was here with us.

He is The King.

I don’t know if these words made any sense to anyone, but I felt they needed to be said.

Rest In Peace, Brother Michael

michael_jackson

Thank you. For everything.

KFC Part 2-Dances With Chickens: One Actor’s Story…(0)

Aight so, you know how I feel about this whole dancin with chicken bullshit…

and I also realize that it’s hard to get work as a Black actor…

I also realize that TV money is good….REAL GOOD…

I just found out that talented comedian/tv personality Joe Clair has appeared in the Kentucky GRILLED Chicken spots…

Below is his account, which appears on hiphopdx.com:

http://allhiphop.com/stories/editorial/archive/2009/03/27/21290454.aspx

Joe Clair: That Funky Chicken

Published Friday, March 27, 2009 3:05 PM
By Joe Clair

THE FUNKY CHICKEN!

(an excerpt from the black man’s guide to surviving in Hollywood)

“like all my brothers eat chicken and watermelon/talk broken English and drug sellin’.”

KRS-ONE

Ok soooo…

Today I shot a commercial for a restaurant. I won’t mention the name but they make chicken. When I went on the audition a couple of weeks ago, I heard that little voice in the back of my head mention somethin’ about black men and chicken and stereotype, but I ignored it ‘cause my mind was blissful with the thought of something else. See, I was getting back to work. I love workin’. It makes me feel good to make some dough. This particular morning I was rushing into the commercial audition all joyous and happy. Things are pretty good in my life at the time. I’m a new husband and things are going well. I’m getting’ funnier and funnier on the mic. I had a little extra dough in my pocket. I was happy, and grateful to have the opportunity. In my joyous state I never thought past what I was doing at the moment.

What does this have to do with today?

Tell you in a minute. Just follow me for a second.

Soooo….

I go into the audition, which is a weird process that I’ll have to write about another time, and do my thing and I’m out. I got a session across town after that then I gotta get some work done in my office. I’m good. Fast forward a week, and I get a call from my agency telling me that I have a call back for the chicken people. When I heard my agent say chicken, the little voice came back, but this time it was singin’ “Mammie” and shuckin’ and jivin’. I still ain’t really listen to it though, I was happy I had done something right and gotten the call back. Feels good.

So I go to the callback and do my thing. This time I have to eat the chicken and then say the line. When I bit the chicken the little voice screamed at me “Obama!” but I was eatin’ and paying attention to the chicken and then Dave Chappelle from Inside the Actors Studio popped up and said, “You gotta set your price. And don’t take nothing less” or somethin’ like that, all echo-y and movie like. Too late, I was deep in it by now. The chicken was all hot and good. I was lovin’ my job.

Now, I guess I could have had a movie style “I can’t do this” moment and walked out of the audition but I didn’t. I ate the juicy ass drumstick and delivered the line like a pro. They said thank you and my agent called and told me I had booked later that day. It felt good. Gold star for Joseph!

What happened next n***a?

I’m getting’ to it.

Soooo…

Today I arrived on set at the designated time. This was a big production. They had a huge soundstage rigged to look like were just standin’ in whiteness like on those MAC computer commercials. They had tents and shit set up. They had a bunch of big white trucks that you see on big shoots. A couple of campers/trailers for wardrobe, hair/make-up and production. It was big.

My call time was right before lunch so I got to eat even before I worked. Food was off the chain. (it wasn’t chicken) When I got there an actor that I had bumped into from time to time in auditions was there, so I was kickin’ it with him ‘til I had to go on set. He had already worked and was asked to stick around in case thy needed something else. So while we were out there, a celebrity chef shows up ‘cause he’s in the spot too, playing himself. He has a person working with him, who’s a sister and all of us sit, talk shit and eat lunch together ’til it’s time to work. There was only one other black person on set but she was workin’ and ain’t eat. Anyway, the chef asked my man what we had to do when we get on set and he described what I had done in the audition and then he goes, “and then he ask you to act like a chicken and you gotta do a dance. A chicken dance with the chicken in your hand.” As he said those words a wave of disbelief permeated our little black contingent. It was like an urban legend come to life. Being asked to dance is already a bad one but being asked to dance with chicken is like go get another profession type shit when it happens. It’s the worst look of all. There is nothing sexy about being asked to dance with chicken in your hands in 2009. For a black actor it is the worst. The chef said “What?!” My man goes “Chicken dance brother.” The chef and me was like “you playin’. Man get the fuck outta here. Foreal?!”

Now the chef is a celebrity chef, that they asked to do the spot, so I knew he wasn’t gonna have to do it. But I was the willing slave ass actor, soooooo happy to have the opportunity, soooooo ready to get to work, just sooooooo muhfuckin’ joyous and full of glee and I knew they was gonna get my black ass to do it. The little voice came back with a couple of beads of sweat. The little voice said “ Do the chicken dance BITCH!” like the world’s greatest heckler. It started laughin’ at me and clowin’ me like I was havin a comedy club nightmare!…“Do the muthafuckin’ chicken dance.. N***A!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh haaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaa haahahahah ahhhhaaaahha ahahahhah. CHICKEN DANCE BITCH! DO THE CHICKEN DANCE BITCH! AAAAHHHH HAHAH HAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHA AHAHAHA HAHAH…….. FUNKY CHICKEN N***A!!!!!!”

I was snapped back into reality when the actor dude said “ yeah, I felt bad, but shiiittt a brother got a mortgage to pay.” Right then I made the little voice shut the fuck up. Those words brought it home. I got a mortgage to pay as well along with all kinds of other bills and shit that take a lot of work to maintain. So I’m like fuck it. It is what it is. I need to eat and I ain’t in a position to be throwin’ no money away. Fuck dat. Chicken dance it is. Ain’t this some shit.

Soooooooo.

I finally get on set, after getting’ bumped by the chef, to do my thing. It’s people all over the place doin what they do on set. Most of the people are white, most of ‘em are cool and speak to you , especially like the lighting dudes and the camera operators they crack jokes and make it a cool atmosphere. The people from the company and the ad agency however, are usually reserved and don’t say anything to you. You’re just another actor here to do the shoot. Anyway, I eat the chicken and say the lines and do that a bunch of times. They got a dude that gives me a new piece of chicken after every take. I say the line, take a bite, chew, spit it out , and get a new piece of chicken. There’s another lady that comes and wipes my mouth after each take while they switch up the chicken. It’s ill cause they are like older white people and it’s just, very surreal that I am eating chicken and a room full of white folks is there makin’ sure I do it right. Ill.

Did you dance n***a? !

See what had happened was……

After a long pause in production the director comes back and says “O.K. so now I want you to act like a chicken.” N***a, a chill ran down my spine. I know he ain’t mean nothin’ by it. He’s just doin’ his job. Plus they had been shooting for days and at least twenty or thirty actors done had to do it. So I’m like, “Cool. I’m an actor and this is a gig”. He gives me a few more directions and yells action. I act like a chicken. I tried to get real loose with it but just couldn’t. I did a good enough job though that it gotta a couple of laughs. He yells cut. Then he goes “ OK now I want you to dance with the chicken in your hands and eat while you dance.” Now I like to think that I saw a bit of embarrassment shoot across his face as he said it. That good old-fashioned white guy emabarrased by the race thing look they get in the movies and shit. Like he know he wrong to ask a black man to dance with some chicken but he got to get this done. I looked around the room and it was all eyes on me. And it looked like they probably said “the black guy gonna dance his ass off” before I got there. At that moment I wondered if they pictured me dancin’ while I was at the audition two weeks ago? “Fuck you gonna do?” I thought to myself as they readied the chicken for my consumption. The mortgage, the office rent, the other crib in Cali, cable bill, phone bill, insurance, car notes trickled through my brain. Simultaneously Morgan State, Red Black and Green, Huey P. Newton, Sojourner Truth, Orange Juice Jones, Queen Latifah, Nat Turner, Larry Davis, Birnie Mac and GhostFace Killah hit their mark as well. “What is I’m gonna do?”, I thought. “We gotta a black president and I’m dancin’ with chicken fo’ my pay”, I said to myself and the thought gave me a shiver. On cue, like a Wayans Brothers movie or some shit, this music comes from outta nowhere. They played a fucked up’90s remix of “Do The Funky Chicken”. I’m like “Aww Dayumm!”. I mean this was some ill shit. “What would Stark’s do in this situation?”, I thought. The director yells action and I gave the performance of a lifetime. My scene sucked, but the acting job I did of being delighted to do this was phenomenal. I didn’t get down with the song or nothin’. I t wasn’t a Jabberwockies moment but I did good enough, like a cool uncle at a cookout with a plate. I have a hard time hiding my emotions so I can’t wait to see what my face looks like.

You did the chicken dance n***a?

Yep. I did the fuckin’ chicken dance ladies and gentlemen. I like to think that it was God getting me back for clownin’ this dude at the comedy club the other night. Or maybe it was just my “Mammie” moment that almost all black actor/comedians have. I don’t know. I do know it was a funky ass situation that I never envisioned myself being in. But it is what it is. I’m gonna take the money from that jo’nt and ball out somehow. I owe it to myself….. But then again, I could be like the millions of people who have lost their jobs in the past year or so and be home watchin’ the n***a who ate the chicken, so maybe I should consider myself lucky and fortunate.

Holla back and tell me what you think.

Cleez

P.S. This editorial was written by pride. Pride has a valid point but, pride will leave a yo’ ass hungry as hell. So although pride wrote it humble is gonna live with it. As you can see folks, this thing has my mind messed up and goin’ every which way.

**********

Aight, Joe… we get it…

it’s hard out here for Black actors, gotta pay the bills, yaddayaddayadda…

Two words for you, Joe….cuz I respect you, man…you seem like a real solid brother…

FUCK THAT…

Dog, fuck that shit…

UNTIL Black actors stand up for themselves, Hollywood will continue to portray Black people how they feel like it….

and Im sick of that same excuse from EVERYBODY Black in the entertainment field….

“oh, I gotta eat…”

its work at the post office…

and we WONDER why:

-we dont have any power in the entertainment business

-our music is fucked up

-Black actors have to scrounge for work

its because we dont DO FOR SELF…

you can’t serve Massa and rise up at the same time, its not possible…

Hey, I work everyday…so Im not saying this from someplace on high…

Black folks talk about strugglin….but we dont care abt THE struggle….

We will struggle all day long as long as it is forced upon us…but when there’s a struggle that’s worth fighting that will benefit us in the end, we dont know anything abt that….

the struggles that our people face to get us here where we can have a Black president were fought willingly…..those people made the choice to tell The Man, “enough is enough”….

and because they had that courage, we reaped the benefits….

but I guess reaping the benefits of that struggle has softened us to the point that we’ll dance for chicken in 2009….and we dont have th courage like our the generation before us (the 60’s wasnt that long ago, yall) to say to The Man enough is enough…

Back then, they had dogs, hoses, and guns pointed at us….

now, its just a camera…

Sorry, Joe…I dont accept your weak ass excuses….the shame you feel is justified…you SHOULD be ashamed of yourself for disgracing Black folks….

I hope the money covers your expenses for while…but I also hope that your kids, your parents, and all of your ancestors who suffered horrible indignities see you dancing with chicken in 2009…

But you got your bills paid…Aint that the same thing prostitutes tell themselves?

Whatever gets you through the night, I guess…

“Don’t be eyein’ my bucket…”

Don’t worry, Joe…you earned it, it’s ALL yours…

KFC: You GOTTA be shittin’ me…(4)

There  are no roles for Black actresses...
There are no roles for Black actresses…

Like most Soul Brothers, I greatly enjoy a good piece of yarbird…

But for health reasons, it is rare that I indulge in the treat known as fried chicken…

It is even more rare that I patronize KFC…not because I have an issue with their menu…but because,  for some reason unbeknownst to me,  rats REALLY like kickin it there…

I remember pulling up to the KFC drive thru in the early 2000’s….the nice lady on the other end of the intercom politely told me that she’d be with me shortly…

while I waited, a relaxed looking rat emerged from the bush just beneath the intercom speaker…

just at that moment, the nice lady returned to tell me that she was ready to take my order…As she spoke, I was dropping my gear shift into drive…

“I’m cool…” , I replied as my car started toward the exit….

FFWD a couple yrs…

I’m residing in Oakland, CA…and there is a KFC right down the street from me….I decide to let bygones be bygones and once again partake of the bird they offer…

Then I saw this:

Yeeeeeaaah, fam….I really couldn’t fuck widdit no mo after that…the coincidences were far too great…

FFWD to 2009.

More and more people are conscious of what they eat…a growing number of people are avoiding fried foods, meat, or anything that comes from an animal (but fuck the plants, tho….KILL ‘EM DEAD!)

The good people at Kentucky Fried Chicken saw this coming years ago…In the 90’s, they officially changed the name of the company to KFC…

Why?

Because the word “FRIED” in their company name now had a negative connotation…KFC was on the cutting edge…

Yes, it is 2009.

4 months ago, we swore in the first Black president…

and last week, KFC introduced KENTUCKY GRILLED CHICKEN…

That’s right, hoes…

KFC is looking out for your health and respecting your right to choose…

to celebrate, the good folks at Colonel Harland Sander’s company unveiled a new website to promote this bold and innovative step in the future of fast food.

www.unthinkkfc.com

Go ahead….click that motherfucker…

KFC wants you to unthink everything you’ve ever thought about KFC…

so to underline that point…at first, you see a suburban looking white woman with a piece of Kentucky GRILLED Chicken in each hand dancing a jig to a faux funk groove while she chows down on the drumsticks…

“Clever…”, I thought to myself, “they dodged a MAJOR bullet by having a white woman monkeyshine with this chicken…”

I spoke too soon.

As the white woman disappears from the frame, a 30 something Black woman runs into the frame…

fists tucked into her underarms in a slightly squatted position, she proceeds to “flap her wings”, bug her eyes, stick her ass out and run around as if she is….

wait for it.

yes, a chicken…(see picture above)

Frozen in my seat from what I have just seen…a young brother appears in the frame…again, with a drumstick in each hand…

he munches the chicken as he dances around….looking very happy and grinning the entire time…

He is then replaced by an older Black man, who I am informed is Vanessa Williams’ brother, also with a piece of chicken in each hand….

he hoists the chicken in the air as he devours it…showing his elation by skipping, jumping in the air and clicking his heels together, and last but most certainly not least…by doing THE ROBOT…

Chicken Georgina returns to boogie down a lil bit before we get a pair of white twins to insure that people like myself see that’s its all in good fun and not insulting to Black people AT ALLLL…

Apparently, its okay to unthink everything you’ve ever thought about KFC…however, its cool to keep on believing the stereotypes about Black people and chicken…

For a moment, I’m outraged…

but then I remember, this is a company whose story in entrenched in that good ol’ American institution…

Hint: it ain’t baseball.

You REALLY think that’s his recipe?

Harland Sanders was born in 1890. Slavery was legally abolished in 1865.

Anyway….I admit I’m reaching a tad…

Get down with the Colonel, baby...
Get down with the Colonel, baby…

This isn’t the first time that KFC has committed a cultural faux pas…

ahhh….1992…

MC Hammer,  then America’s favorite Negro, danced and shuffled for KFC chicken on national television…

“Russ Beeler”, the Black fictional owner of a KFC franchise, presents Hammer with a precious gift…a gift only one Black man can give another…

bite-sized pieces of fried chicken.

Hammer opens the box and the chicken is illuminated…leaving a soft, warm glow on Hammer’s approving face…

Hammer just cannot stop eating the delicious nuggets of crispy chicken…even delaying the start of his concert (CP Time) until he has gulped down the last piece, which he throws in the air and catches in his mouth…

“like a dog…like a GODDAMN DOG, RITCHIE!!!…” (c) Esai Morales as Bob Morales in La Bamba

So…can we REALLY be surprised when KFC, given its history, decides that the BEST way to connect with its customer base is to show Black folks so overjoyed to have some chicken that they must boogie down?…well, because Black people dance so well…

What group of white folks sat around and conceived this shit and what group of white folks greenlit this shit?…

its shit like this that makes it hard for the races to get together (outside of the bedroom)…

if the white folks who came up with this really and truly believed that this was okay….white folks have a LONG way to go before we can stop giving them the side-eye…

But again, were you around for the last election?

Diane Fedele said she didnt mean to offend anybody...translation: I didnt think any n***ers would see it!...

Diane Fedele said she didn't mean to offend anybody...translation: "I didn't think any n***ers would see it!..."

“depicting Obama with chicken and ribs…that had nothing to do with race…”, says the Republican lady who ran the cartoon in her Republican newsletter…

*terrorist fist bump with my baby mama*

Precious Lord, take my hand….