The slippery slope of E-Hoein’(6)
“…Man, that shit I told her just fucked her up. She was so fine that she was used to men just falling down over themselves to get her. But I wasn’t like that and have never been like that. Just because a woman is fine don’t mean nothing to me and never did; I’ve always had fine women. For me to really get into them they also have to have a mind and think about something other than how fine they are…”
-Miles Davis, from “Miles – The Autobiography”
I read Miles Davis’ autobiography once, maybe twice a year. It’s obviously one of my favorite books. I usually pull it out when I need some inspiration. I was alot like Miles when I was a teenager. I simply said what I thought without really thinking or caring abt what people felt abt it. I think alot about getting back to that state of mind, and I think I’ve finally become comfortable enough with the idea to do it. Each time I read the book, I catch somn that I hadn’t before. The above passage stood out this time.
I can’t lie. People on a whole disappoint me somewhat. But as I’ve gotten older, I dont let it get to me as much. We seem to be regressing socially, IMO. Women especially perplex me. I understand how they work in theory, but when it comes to dealing with em, I keep falling back on logic. As any one who deals with women knows, logic gets you nowhere. LOL.
The passage from Miles book hit me like a ton of bricks. A few weeks ago, a woman I know and am not involved with told me flat out, “You never pay attention to me!…”. Her saying that kinda shook me, because I think like Miles does. Even though I’m a Joe Schmoe lookin’ mofo, I’ve been fortunate enough to have spent time with some really physically beautiful women. What man doesn’t like fine women? It’s like good food-everybody likes it! But the outer beauty of a woman is only icing on the cake that decorates her inner beauty. Now, I’m no snob. I’ve been with women who may not be model material, but were otherwise were very attractive in their own way and that’s because of the substance of their character. The same goes for the fine ones, what really attracted me was what was going on inside of them.
A few weeks before that, I heard kinda the same thing from another woman. Now both women I heard this from are stunning and have dudes knocking shit over to get to em. So, Im thinking, “how much MORE validation do you need?…how much is enough?…”. But there I go again with the logic.
The answer is there’s NEVER enough. Women are insecure by nature, and need almost constant validation–ESPECIALLY if theyre young. You kinda have to feed it to em selectively. Give em just enough to keep going, but not too much cuz then they start getting egotistical and stuck-up. I always fuck that part up because I want them to know that Im into them for more than what’s outside, and I figure my attention, patience, and understanding will show what they mean to me. WRONG! WRONG! {(c) Charlie Murphy} I think Chris Rock said something to the effect of, “women need 3 things to survive: food, air, and compliments.” He may be right.
Which is why so many women strive to be entertainers. It’s a woman’s wet dream to be universally adored, envied, admired, and lusted after. Every woman dreams of walking into a room and having everybody stop and stare.
The thing that most people miss is that this kind of craving for attention is based in low self-esteem. The lower the self esteem, the further a woman will go to get the attention she craves. Once she gets it, its like a drug. She cant get enough and will do whatever it takes to keep it coming.
These days, far too many women confuse sexual liberation with sexually exploiting themselves. They put themselves on display for the attention of men. In the process, they reduce themselves to mere sex objects. Not fully formed people with hearts, minds, and souls-just willing sexual conquests with nothing more to offer than the easy access to their vaginas. Ladies, Im’a tell you a secret. A lot of you dont look beautiful, confident, or alluring. You look like a whore. That’s what us guys are thinking when your skirt is above your thighs and you’re making your ass clap on the dance floor. What do we do with whores? We fuck them and and forget about them. Im not trying to be mean, its the truth. We wont tell you that because were tryna gain access. But once we talk to our boys, thats what we say.
Dont get it twisted. Aint nothing wrong with confidence or sexuality, or confidence in sexuality. But that sexuality has to be balanced with respect for one’s self, being aware of reality, and a personal depth that would make someone be interested in more than just a casual sexual encounter. Like Chris Rock said, you may not be a hoe, but you might have on a hoe’s uniform. I’ll add to that that you may not even be aware of how well you play the hoe role. Depth is sexier than any streetwalker dress you can squeeze yourself into. Sexiness comes from within.
I dont even think there’s anything wrong with casual sexual encounters as long as both people involved have some level of respect for each other and are mature enough to know what they will get out of it and what they will not get out of it and can handle the encounters with discretion and class. Unfortunately, that too often isnt the case.
This new desperation naturally pops up in our entertainment. Our popular female entertainers have no qualms about presenting themselves as tawdry objects of sexual fantasy.
I just saw this video a few weeks ago:
Yes, Beyonce is a beautiful girl. We get it. However, you can cut the desperation in this video with a knife. She gives us this empowered woman rap all the time, but before you know it, here she is doing a stripper routine. Rolling around on the floor, spreading her legs and sticking her ass out. What am I supposed to respect about that? Does the fact that she’s rich make it any classier or evolved than if the chick at the hood club is doing the same thing? Nope.
The Single Ladies video concept was sexy, but it was restrained and classy. As a music video, it works. In real life, it looks kinds hoe-ish. The slope is slippery. It obviously wasnt enough to toe the line for Mrs. Knowles-Carter. Not knowing when to quit, you can see her above stepping over the line. As slutty as that looks on screen means that it looks 100 times sluttier when you bust these moves.
Or we can look at Rihanna. I saw her say in an interview abt how she decide to quit Chris Brown because of the message that would send to young girls and that she realized that her decision was more than about just her. I gained some respect for her upon hearing that. Then her new album comes out and she’s everywhere in various stages of nudity. What message is that?
At this point, you’re going beyond entertainer. When everytime I see you, you are topless, nude, walking around with your nipples showing in a see thru shirt, wearing short skirts with no panties, or doing any other common raunchy shit and your music/acting/modeling is secondary to your image at BEST– youre not an artist, youre a hoe. A hoe in media. An E-hoe.
Even Madonna scaled it back when she took it too far with the Sex book and the world told her, “Madonna, you a hoe…”
These days, even straight up hoes have become celebrities. They just eschew the pretense of having some kind of talent and just get down to the nitty gritty. “You wanna fuck me, and Im going to use that to make myself well known.” From Pamela Anderson (whose recent antics as woman in her mid 40’s who is the mother of 2 young boys are just sad), to Superhead, to Tila Tequila, to Jenna Jameson, to video hoes, to internet models. Let’s not even talk about “models”. Models used to serve the purpose of demonstrating fashion. Now, youre more likely to see a model butt naked than modeling any clothes. Making your ass, titties, and pussy the MOST interesting thing about you has become a legitimate way to get people to take interest in you. It’s gotten so bad that even GUYS do it now. You got dudes walking around shirtless and greased and showing off their pubic mounds on social networking sites.
Remember that jag-off from Pretty Ricky flouncing around in his draws on You Tube? When women do stuff like that, we men admire the ass and what have you, but we still clown yall in secret the way yall clowned that dude openly.
I’m WELL aware that a good number of guys dont think about it that way. They just wanna get off on the masturbation/fantasy fodder. When they see Miss Non-Celebrity at the club dressed like a hoe and and doing hoe shit {(c) Fresh}, they scheme on the very real possibility of fucking. What they wont tell you is that they dont want their mothers, wives, sisters, nieces, and daughters doing anything of the sort. That says something.
This culture of e-hoein’, or cyber-hoein’ is not only sad but disgusting. For the women and girls out there who are not public figures, that e-hoein’ too often turns into real hoein’. The rapes, the beatings, the abandoned children, the sexually transmitted diseases, and the short lived sex worker “careers” are the results. Next time you pull som hoe-ish out of your closet or set out to the dance floor to simulate sex with a stranger, remember–everyone in the room and everyone who sees you is clowning you in their heads. The guys are thinking of ways to swindle you out of some quick pussy and the other women in the room who arent participating in the hoe-style activities are repulsed by you. If youre lucky, someone might pity you and wonder why you dont love yourself enough to do better.
The huge irony in all of this is that the folks who are into this kind of new age exhibitionism sometimes turn out to be not very sexy people at all. its just role playing and copycatting. Get them in bedroom and you feel like you could have had a V-8.
“Beautiful as Betty was physically, she didn’t have any confidence in herself as a person. She was a high-class groupie, who was very talented but who didn’t believe in her own talent. Jackie and Marguerite didn’t have that problem, and so I was relaxed with them…”
-Miles Davis, from “Miles -The Autobiography”
Nothing I will say will change any of this, but hopefully more often than not, young women will come to realize that the thing that REALLY gets our attention is intelligence, elegance, class which blends to form true sexiness. THOSE are the women that turn heads in the room. Any man whose worth a damn will recognize it, too. The type of cats you meet doing hoe shit, naturally wont be worth a damn.
“See Betty was too young and wild for the things I expected from a woman. I was used to a cool, hip, elegant woman like Frances or Cicely, who could handle herself in all kinds of situations…She [Betty] was raunchy and all that kind of shit, all sex…I just didn’t pay much attention…the kind of shit she would do and with the other stuff she was doing I just got tired of it…”
-Miles Davis, from “Miles – The Autobiography”
- Miles’ 2nd wife, Betty Davis. “Beautiful as Betty was physically, she didn’t have any confidence in herself as a person…” -Miles Davis
- Miles Davis and Frances Taylor. “Frances was the best wife that I ever had and whoever gets her is a lucky motherfucker.” -Miles Davis
Again ladies, Im not tryna to put anybody down, I just think you’re better than that. Bad bodies and pretty faces are a dime a dozen. Find out what you have going for you that really makes you special. Let that be the thing that draws people to you. Nothing is black and white, and a small touch of scandalousness is healthy–but at the right time and in the right place.
…and I say it with love. L-O-V-E.
